How to be a Happy Old Man

George Evans

Description

Never mind about ruling the world, although you could, no doubt, do it better than the idiots in charge. Who cares about being youthful, athletic or handsome when you've been there, done that and got the scars to prove it? Joking apart, there are plenty of ways to make your life much happier as you get older and that's what this little book is really all about. It's a mixture of humour and advice, written by a very contented 83-year-old who knows what he's talking about. After deciding to make happiness your top priority, learn how to attain and keep it, with brief lessons ranging from not taking yourself - or anyone else - seriously, and the need for a HOW (happy old woman) to neighbours - like them if it kills them - and enemies (how not to have any). Remember that hurrying is for the young! So, sit back, relax and enjoy life.

Sujets

• Sociologie, société et politique
• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited
• Date de parution: 01 septembre 2007
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781326414887
• Langue: English

Extrait

Note
 
The beauty of e-readers means that a variety of text fonts and type sizes can be selected, according to the reader’s preference. This text has been prepared in Palatino (medium, regular) and so the layout probably works best in this font.
Introduction
 
Do you really want to be happy? Then forget about being sexy, important, wealthy, famous, athletic, popular... Manage without the harem, yacht, island, palace, Ferrari, and wifelets. Just give it all up and be happy!
 
Convinced that your happiness is the most important thing you’ve got, or ever want? Great! Join the Happy Old Men Club. Never mind about ruling the world, although I’m sure you will agree that you could do it better than the idiots in charge. Who cares about being youthful, athletic or handsome? We’ve been there, done that and got the scars to prove it.
 
Joking apart, there really are some simple ways to make your life much happier as you get older and that’s what this little book is really all about. Not worrying about yourself is part of it. Begin by not taking life too seriously. That means you don’t have to worry about anyone else.
 
Happy Old Woman
 
You do need a HOW (Happy Old Woman). You please yourself, but those with HOWs realise how important they can be. The key is in a song, ‘I want to be happy, but I can’t be happy ’til I make you happy too.’
 
There are rules for keeping your HOW in good condition. If you can’t turn them into standing jokes, you might have problems...
 
Rule No. 1: Never win an argument.
(She’s always right, especially when she’s obviously not.)
Rule No. 2: It’s always your fault.
(That goes for lost handbags, global warming, etc.)
Rule No. 3: Never forget birthdays or anniversaries.
(Penance can sometimes be very expensive.)
 
Invest time and trouble; your HOW is worth it.
 
Seriously
 
Seriously... don’t take yourself too seriously. You are the only you in the whole wide world so there’s no competition. You have to be the best there is. If you stop worrying about that, there’s nobody else to get into a sweat about. Be kind to the rest of the world; it’s not their fault if they’re not as good as you.
 
Friends are the people whose imperfections you are prepared to put up with. It’s unreasonable to expect them to be perfect, but they can, and usually do, contribute to your happiness, so keep them. Only your HOW is perfect. Remind her often.
 
Important people have their problems, the biggest of which is trying to look important. If they give you trouble, try laughing.
 
Enemies
 
Enemies you can do without. Who needs enemies? Not you! It may be your Christian duty to forgive them, but if you play your cards right, you won’t have any enemies to forgive. That’s much better.
 
Life without enemies is so much easier, more comfortable and happier that it’s hard to understand why anybody bothers with them. If you don’t do anyone harm and are generally cheerful and friendly, most people won’t want to be your enemy. If someone insists, here are a few suggestions: Do them a favour; Be generous; Like them; Laugh with them; Walk away; Outlive them (last resort)!
 
Grumpy Old Men
 
Grumpy old men are going through a stage like babies and teenagers. Remember? It’s like train spotting, hero worship, hating girls, chasing girls, thinking you’re important; things like that. Perhaps you’ve been through it all. You must have friends who fit into this category. Don’t blame them, it’s just part of life’s rich pattern; they grow out of it eventually. With patient help from you they will soon want to experience the next (and much more enjoyable) part of growing up: the Happy Old Man syndrome. Teach them to be HOMs.
 
Hurrying
 
Hurrying is for the young – it’s not for you. There’s a chap who gave up hurrying on VE Day, 8th May 1945, when the Germans stopped shooting at him. He said that when you’ve been comprehensively shot at by really well trained soldiers for nearly a year, there is no further need to hurry when they’ve stopped.
 
Getting older is a good excuse for refusing to hurry. Take life gently. Chaps who hurry live shorter and less happy lives, and we don’t want that. Let’s just take our time and enjoy life more. That’s a very important principle of the HOM movement.
 
Health
 
Health is, of course, very important. It’s hard to be happy with a toothache or a pain in the back. Staying healthy is partly luck, but there are things you can do to improve your lot.
 
Mother-in-law’s dictum, ‘Trust in the Lord and keep your bowels open’ is well worth obeying. So is ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away.’ Sensible eating of varied meals and taking your time to digest them is the best advice. Most modern diets are written to persuade daft people to buy the books and food. If your HOW is a good cook, you’re very fortunate; remember to tell her so – frequently. Otherwise, start learning to cook!